15+ Hilarious Store Signs That Are Almost Too Perfect

Something about the quickly-scribbled nature of this note tells me that there's a story here. It's oddly specific. Can the seventh graders handle their caffeine a little better or what?

This mechanic is clearly sick of people writing personal cheques as payment. It's 2019. We need to get used to the fact that cheques should only be utilized by grandparents who send their grandkids $20 every birthday.

I kind of like this sign, but I do have a quibble. Considering how much text is on this sign, I'd like at least some information on the unspecified hazards.

Parents know how awesome it is to go somewhere that gives kids something free. This hot dog place actually has a pretty generous freebie offer. It's generous, but trust me: it's not a good deal.

Lots of hair places try to incorporate puns into their name. Hair Razors? Ehhh. Snip Tease? Not bad, I guess. But "Curl up and Dye" takes the cake, not just for its wordplay, but also for its fatalism.

If you rolled up to this Arby's, you might wonder what their sign's going on about. But if you rolled up to this Arby's a day or two earlier, you'd get it.

No store has to offer a senior citizen discount, let alone explain their rationale. This souvenir shop spells out their reasons pretty clearly. Does this mean I get a discount because I'm a millennial?

Look, I'm a simple guy. I barely need any excuse to eat a donut, so when I see a sign combining The Lion King with my love of donuts, I find that donut shop.

If anything, this New Balance sign doesn't cast a broad enough net. It's not just Ohio. Every state in the union is full of dads rocking tucked-in t-shirts with crisp white NB's on their feet.

This store really does a great job of communicating the fact that there's a sale going on. Then again, they're so caught up in this sale that you can't really tell what the store even sells.

This big & tall billboard has a wonderful gimmick. But on the off-chance that the Jolly Green Giant does show up and pick up a free catalog, Dan's had better be prepared to outfit him.

It takes a second, but this sign makes things pretty clear. It also opens the door for Pikachu riding a centaur into the store — assuming, of course, they're both trained service animals.

Everyone's seen this joke a few times, but it's a good one. Vacuum retailers are literally the only merchants who can make this highly specific joke, so they may as well max it out.

I'm sure this sign would be just as funny to the pets coming in to live out these lyrics IRL. I'm sure they'd get a good laugh, too.

The sass is strong with this one, and I hope the patrons of this particular bar realized that the waitstaff are indeed not emotionless robots.

You heard him, fellas. If your rope is short, get closer to that dock. Don't wanna make a mess.

I just hope they included another sign in the stalls that says "Anchors away", otherwise that would be a hugely missed opportunity.

I appreciate this car wash's discretion and they can expect me to be a customer the next time I'm rolling through whatever city this is.

Once upon a time, computer mice didn't have precise lasers and optical sensors. They just had rollerballs, and they were absolutely horrible. This computer shop memorializes these awful mice in an appropriate way.

This is why I eat burgers. I'm merely trying to protect myself from anyone who might attempt to kidnap me. It's sort of like working out to become stronger, but also not at all like that.

At the end of the day, cleanliness is really all that matters, right? I'm a little concerned that aliens and androids might not play nice together, but we should at least give them a chance.

I'll be leaving quite the review on Yelp for this particular establishment depending on whether or not an employee assists me in washing my hands.

I'd like to argue that those subs are not 12 inches, no matter what the weather, and I think the good people of the internet who brought out their tape measures to test the "foot-long" promise will agree with me.

Hey, even if your car does get stolen by a silver-tongued fake valet, you can let this fun sign's jaunty style cheer you up as you wait for the police to show up.

I just feel bad for the people who don't understand why everyone else is getting a kick out of this sign.

Personally I'm a sucker for an excellent pun, so you can bet I'd be in that flower shop in an instant. I don't even have a garden.

I think it's especially confusing that this place is also a bar. I'm sure plenty of alcohol-induced brains have stumbled into this place at 1 a.m. only to find out they have been severely misled.

It's a cute enough joke, but I'm here to destroy it. If you take it at face value, you're buying a pound of snowman noses. No one needs that many snowman noses, ever.

Think about others before you go dropping your butts on the ground. They don't make patches for rabbits, guys. (Side note: please just don't drop cigarette butts anywhere ever, funny sign or not.)

At least this business owner is being completely transparent about their reasoning behind attracting more customers. Where is the lie?

This donut shop got pretty creative when it came to designing their bathroom doors. But if you can't figure out whether you're a donut or an eclair, they also helpfully include the old school symbols on the walls.

This seems like a super fair sign to throw up in a zoo. If you want to act like an idiot around dangerous animals just because there's a barrier separating you, be prepared for consequences.

Speaking as someone who has had to be on the other end of a person's boob and sock money, I can safely say that the summer months make this disgusting money exchange way worse.

Carry a wallet like the rest of us, ya filthy animals.

This bar got pretty blunt about dating apps. Remember when you used to actually have to meet people in person? Yikes. What barbaric times.

This tattoo shop is clearly fed up with underage girls trying to get tattoos on the basis of their bra sizes. Fed up enough to make a sign, in fact.

I'd like to hazard a guess and say that everything at this particular yard sale was probably 50 percent off.

What, you were expecting a deal? Do you think these places are just giving pizzas away? What kind of a business would that be?

Even if you do have time and money to burn, don't ask your barber to do this. They're used to giving old dudes high-and-tight cuts for $15 a pop. Go to a proper hairdresser.

There's a line between providing a helpful description and a full-on existential rambling that provides a glimpse into a troubled mind. I'll leave it up to you to decide where this sign lands on that scale.

Sure, you could look at this sign and see it promoting some pretty antiquated ideas about gender roles. But speaking as a husband, I barely even know what a tile is.

I think if there was a vaccine for asteroid impacts, it would be a popular one.

And hey, there are plenty of things that are just as deadly, much less rare, and actually can be prevented by vaccines, so it's kind of a no-brainer.

At least, at this deli it is. I've worked retail, I can fake a smile for money as well as anybody.

They're just not going to do the whole "raise the price so it looks better when we lower the price" trick, and honestly, I appreciate being hoodwinked more than the honesty.

There's a small but vocal part of me that hopes Madonna was singing about cupcakes on "Justify My Love." I can see I'm not alone.

Seriously though, it's great for places to acknowledge that pets aren't all bad to travel with. Might be a problem for guests with allergies, but maybe they have great vacuum cleaners.

Somehow I don't think that the stuff after Debit comes up very often, but hey, you never know. It's all about value!

Seriously though, do people still haggle over prices outside of Craigslist? Who does that?

Because nobody else knows what the heck this says. I mean, good joke and all, but does it make me more likely to get my morning brew there? Maybe.

When the vapor ninjas strike, they're deadly and impossible to track down. I'd like to see them try and stop me.

The four missing letters, "a flu," were pretty darn important — unless CVS has finally had it with all the complaints about the size of their receipts.